HomeUncategorizedAlive, Beard, and Doctor: ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
Alive, Beard, and Doctor: ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all?
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? WITNESS: Yes.
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
WITNESS: I forget…
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
These are from a book called Disorder in the
Courts and are things people actually said in
court, word for word, taken down and
published by court reporters that had the
torment of staying calm while the exchanges
were taking place.
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know
about it until the next morning?
had a beard
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m
going with male.
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-
old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I
sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the
baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living WITNESS: Getting laid
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: She had three child ren , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
been alive and practicing law.
One of my all-time favorite Tumblr posts.
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